and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
