life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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