I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize