I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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