I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
