she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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