Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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