i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
