i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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