I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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