if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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