Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
