Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
