I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
