We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
