brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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