handjob tips. give me some.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
