Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
