AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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