Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
