i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
