Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
