i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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