Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
