They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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