Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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