you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
