you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
