I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
