i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
