I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
