Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
