Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
