I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
being pregnant is like rehab
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
