i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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