I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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