he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
