I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
