We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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