I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Everything about him screamed your future.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
