at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
