you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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