I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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