i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
