i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
