these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
