Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
