so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
