Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
