I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
