How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
