i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
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Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
where are my eyebrows?
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