we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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