Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
