i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
