i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
