I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
