Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
