Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
