I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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