Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
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They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
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I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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