so that wasnt chicken after all
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
