1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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