The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
